Posts

How my anxiety and depression shows.

 Obviously a lot of my posts discuss my problems with my depression and anxiety, but this is how they show outwardly. Depression I tend to withdraw even more than normal,  not wanting anything other than rest.  I won't want to move or do anything extra.  my appetite will start to swing from a lack of appetite to me binging when I do get hungry.  My anger starts appearing once the depression becomes too much at times, and finally, after awhile of dealing with it, I go completely emotionally numb, I cry spontaneously,  and the anxiety becomes more known.   When you see me out and about you wouldn't know beyond the smile and my demeanor and even if you do notice something, my constant fatigue with mask that as fatigue. Anxiety I will look perfectly fine, despite that fact that internally, I'm having a meltdown slowly.  I've perfected the look that will make people believe I'm fine, and I've even perfected the fatigue excuses.  I start by becoming overwhelmed and th
Post a Comment
Read more

Anxiety

This unknown anxiety feels like an impending storm slowly encroaching on me.  I feel it coming in my gut, then my mind gets filled with this quiet endless static as the brain fog comes sweeping in. I feel the palpitations in my check start to make their presence known and my mind and eyes start feeling the need to look around to deal with the building feeling. I try to locate the cause of the anxiety, but I am not able to pin point it.  
Post a Comment
Read more

My Aura

It started suddenly I think when the center of my vision started to alter itself.   Its definitely is an aura.   Its hard to describe but it’s a single circle in the center of my vision.   When looking at text.   It's almost like it covers the words. The center of the circle doesn't appear to be much but it's the border outside that I can see pixelating small-ly it's almost like a TV screen and the colors in an old TV screen going really fast back and forth and those things when looking at words cover up the words I can see in the center of the circle but on the border is where it covers up the words so it confuses me and it alters my vision. I don't know how long it's been going on for but I noticed it when playing a video game I notice that my vision started to alter bed when closing my eyes it can see a distinct part at the bottom lines almost like a TV static when there's lines going through it and they can't get connection like those constantly th
Post a Comment
Read more

I feel this lump

I feel this lump in my throat I think I made a mistake Of course my anxiety is having a field day I'm trying to steer myself in the right direction, but I don't have full control of the wheel. I don't want to go to sleep and wake up tomorrow, I want time to stop.   I don't want to die, I just don't want to deal with tomorrow. Fearing for the worst, my mind prepares, I'm grasping at straws trying to pull myself back into reality. I'm starting to getmore sleepy. I knew I will eventually fall asleep,  but is there something I can do...... of course not
Post a Comment
Read more

Narcolepsy

Narcolepsy takes away your ability to live normally.  Before narcolepsy, my life wasn't perfect, but I was able to go through day to day life normally. I'd wake up tired, but after that it would be a normal day.   I would be thoroughly awake and actually have problems falling asleep at night.  I could do assignments ahead of time without question. But now, after narcolepsy, my life has been flipped upside down.  I rarely experience a day where I'm not fatigued.  I'll wake up normally, then after a few hours, I'll be tired and that will last the whole day.  I take stimulants and that decreases my fatigue a bit, but its still there. It started kind of suddenly for me.  At that time, I was exercising daily and it was December 2015.  I started feeling tired and I thought I was getting sick.   My fatigue never went away...  After that I went to doctors all the time to,fix it,but it wasnt until a year later I hot a sleep test and got the diagnos
Post a Comment
Read more

Migraine aura

A migraine aura is a strange thing.  You are doing your normal daily stuff and then you start feeling weird.  For me I have mild visual disturbances.  Today its my right eye.  During this aura my thought pattern is affected.  I'll be doing something simple and ill question myself for just a second. Its unknown how long this aura will last before tge pain starts.  Right now I have gone and got my emergency migraine meds. Most of my migraines don't have auras.  But the worst ones do. Usually i may have silent migraines.  All of a sudden I'll just stop and it feels as though I can't think clearly.  I will stand still until I remember or am reminded of what I need to do.  I have to sign off here.. My migraine coming.
Post a Comment
Read more

Anxiety

This unknown anxiety has snuck up on me and has grabbed ahold.   I don't know why I'm anxious...but I am. I just have the urge to stop, and avoid everything. I just want to run.   I know it's not practical, but running from the stressor seems like my only option. I've tried relaxing, meditating, and just ignoring it but nothing keeps it away. I feel trapped in this anxiety bubble.  If I ignore it, I stay anxious..but if I give in, I'll feel like crap for doing so.. It's the double edged sword of anxiety my
Post a Comment
Read more