Finally!

My mind When my body is relaxed, my mind goes crazy. Constant thoughts in my head, most of which I can’t control. As I’m bored I let my mind wander. Some good thoughts and bad thoughts, all ready for me. When I put my music on, it’s like I put in the key. My mind races, and a story starts forming. When the music changes, so does the story. It goes up and down, constantly repeating and changing. I feel my soul as it is affected by its own creations. Feeling happy or sad, angry or excited. Then I realize how long I’ve wasted. Daydreaming all day doesn’t help me one bit. Feeling partially ashamed at my special gift. I force myself out of it and do my daily tasks By the end of the day as I fall in bed. I start thinking, is this a gift or a curse? I feel like I’m living 2 lives, one outside and one in my mind. Then I remember, being an adult means living outside one’s mind. As long as I can remember I’ve had this gift, being able to create. One tho...

I feel it only at times.  I still don’t understand Who are you?  And why do you only come at certain times. I feel you talking to me, and yet I can’t hear anything. You feel positive, but yet so mysterious Who are you?  Why won’t you tell me? I always ask, but you never tell me. I know you’re not “god” but how can I tell. I think you’re my angel, but I’m always weary I’m always protecting myself. From the evil that is around me. I know you’re my angel, you’re always near. You only let me know when I start falling. You’re here to protect and comfort, and you always do. I just wished I knew, who you were. You are always nearby, even when not needed. Whenever I feel attacked, you never fail to help. It always feels like, you were born to protect. But it always feels like, it is no coincidence. We were always paired together, you and I It’s like there’s a mysterious cord that brings us together. Could we be the ultimate soul mates, you a...

I obviously know about the battle over the confederate flag.  I haven't posted my opinion but finally decided it was time.   People are split over wether or not the confederate flag needs to be removed.  I say, " I DON'T GIVE A CRAP".   The flag is an inanimate object for crying out loud.  Yes it is a symbol of racism and slavery people might say.  But has anyone actually stopped to think about how there is still the actual racism in our country? Maybe if we stopped fighting over a flag and actually put our complete force into stopping and changing the racism behind it; maybe the flag will eventually become a sad symbol of the past. I don't like comparing this but I will anyways. People walk through the holocaust museum completely quiet and somber.  Whenever we think about what happened then we are completely baffled and can't comprehend why it happened.   Well I hope that in the future, we can walk by a confederate flag and think, "Why di...

What is this depression? Is it just sadness? What did I do? Why do I deserve this? I’ve had it since I was 12; even though I was just a kid. I thought it only attacks adults, but I guess I was wrong. I know when it comes for me, and yet I can’t run. It attacks me the same every time, the same torture. I lie in bed, with my own mind attacking me. I try to fight back, but it brings back old memories. Paralyzed by sadness, all I can do is cry I’m stuck in bed, not hungry at all. When I can manage, I force myself to eat. Always reminding myself what happens when I face defeat. Thinking about ending myself, I go back to bed. I feel presence, whispering in my head. “Go ahead and go to sleep, it will be okay” I feel better, but not for long. I grab my journal and let this evil write. Ashamed at what I wrote, I put away the book. Not to be opened, until the next time evil lurks. I then close my eyes, and quickly fall asleep. But as soon as I wake up I ...

So one thing barely anyone knew is that I actually used to write at some point in time.  About sophomore or Junior year of high school I wrote a 10 chapter book.  I never finished it and it wasn't very good but I wrote one.  I actually kind of enjoyed doing it, but unfortunately it went on the back burner as I got busier and kind of gave up on it.  In college I was a full-time student and then worked part/full time so by then I was kind of on a predetermined path. Recently I had thumb surgery so I am unable to work.  Long story short I had pain in my thumb that bothered me when I write a lot at one time.  On top of that it is also summer so no school.  I have been thinking about it recently so with my new found confidence I decided to try and write again.  I found my old paperwork/files I kept and started to update the chapters.  I spent like 3 hours doing it without even realizing it.  Yeah it's not the best, but I still support my st...

Why are we going to war with a country who is having a civil war?  They aren't attacking any other country!  We seem to always have enough money to go to war and yet not to protect and help our own citizens?  This is showing more and more how much the government wants to pull the world apart with no regards to any of  its citizens.  I'm learning more and more everyday and I'm starting to have for faith in the people to learn whats going on.  There is no proof to back up what the government is saying and yet so much info backing up the opposing facts, but no one is looking at them.

I told my sister my beliefs and let her think about it.  I'm not trying to force my beliefs on anyone, I'm just trying  to inform others of my beliefs and let them think.  People today don't like to think, I'm not the first one to think that.  Even I have problems thinking without getting distracted; everyone just wants the easy way out and an easy answer.  I've been looking for ways to expand my thinking and have realized I just need to sit back and think.  Meditating helps a little, but I can't figure out if I'm doing it right.  After I talked with my sister I started to think, I've come to the conclusion that no religion is bad and people who follow the religion aren't bad.  I thought about what I said in my original letter and I realize now how bad that sounded.  I do still think that but let me rephrase it, even though religions in my beliefs are satanic, the people in the religion itself don't have to follow satan, they can be on the ri...