Finally!

A migraine aura is a strange thing.  You are doing your normal daily stuff and then you start feeling weird.  For me I have mild visual disturbances.  Today its my right eye.  During this aura my thought pattern is affected.  I'll be doing something simple and ill question myself for just a second. Its unknown how long this aura will last before tge pain starts.  Right now I have gone and got my emergency migraine meds. Most of my migraines don't have auras.  But the worst ones do. Usually i may have silent migraines.  All of a sudden I'll just stop and it feels as though I can't think clearly.  I will stand still until I remember or am reminded of what I need to do.  I have to sign off here.. My migraine coming.

This unknown anxiety has snuck up on me and has grabbed ahold.   I don't know why I'm anxious...but I am. I just have the urge to stop, and avoid everything. I just want to run.   I know it's not practical, but running from the stressor seems like my only option. I've tried relaxing, meditating, and just ignoring it but nothing keeps it away. I feel trapped in this anxiety bubble.  If I ignore it, I stay anxious..but if I give in, I'll feel like crap for doing so.. It's the double edged sword of anxiety my

Right now it feels as though i have been walking alongside a wall.  But instead of a concrete wall, it's a wall of thick invisible fog.   I know I can't see it, but i know it's there.    The tricky part is, i never know how close i am to wandering in, until it's too late.    The moment i get lost the atmosphere changes.  It morphs and darkens to something unknown,  but vaguely familiar.   The paths I traveled on disappear, so it seems as though i will never find them again.   While wandering for so long in the dark, i feel as though i might lose hope.  But something deep inside of me reminds me that i must not give up hope. I've been through this before, although the terrain is different, i know i will eventually find my way back. As soon as you feel the weight get lifted as you leave the darkness,  you hope and Pray nobody else gets lost In that dark, heavy landscape.

Hmmmm just thoughts.. I'm sitting here thinking about mortality.  Thinking about how I'm not scared of death,  I'm would be sad and upset at all the things I didn't do...but not scared.  I would be scared of what is left behind for everyone.  Depression does that to you... not directly though.   People think depression is selfish,  but are they the selfish ones themselves? They think people who commit  suicide are not thinking about others.   But yet they themselves aren't thinking about how the depressed person truly feels, they just project what they think that person is feeling.  In fact when a depressed person thinks about suicide,  they are thinking of others.   They are thinking about how they are better off without them.   And how worthless they think they are too the others. Depression comes in and destroys your soul.  It eats little part of it and scatters it all around.  Then it just looms, watching an...

Just trying to focus on anything… Painting? No… music?, not helping… Maybe writing will help. Still can’t get him off my mind; why is my mind split in 2 pieces?   I still care, but does he care? Maybe yes, or maybe no.   trying to relax is impossible.   The longer I have to control my urges the more I grow tired.    And as I push past the exhaustion, the headaches return.   I didn’t take ibphrophen because I can’t solely rely on that.   It’s weird, I told myself yesterday that I was going to improve myself so I can get better; but then I fall again the next day.   Why am I being hurt so much after what all has happened this year so far….And just as my favorite season is starting and all the plans in my head for fall are just completely shattered.    There’s nobody else for me, I’ve messaged most the matches on the site and only he’s responded.   Nobody else will take me. I’ve tried to cheer myself up my adding light...

Recently I've been facing a previous issue I've had. This issue caused me to have a depressive breakdown and I've never really faced it since.  But recently I've been wanting to make personal amends to myself on what happened.  I want to forgive myself and let go of most of the hate I have towards them so I can properly heal. I know that in order to heal, I have to end the story on a good note and stop the hatred and sadness. The past couple weeks I've been thinking about it and trying to forgive said person, even if I never want to see them again.  Since that episode I've been up and down on my personal roller coaster and am determined to get off again. This has been controlling my life for months now, and I'm determined to control my own life. A couple days ago I had a dream that really shook me.  All I can remember is that I was in the office building, helping teach like before. It wasn't outright said but I knew they wanted me back there working ...

We are currently in the age of technology.  Now everyone has cell phones, computers, and even tablets now.  That creates numerous new opportunities to meet new people from around the world and keep in contact with everyone. We can talk with people in real time anywhere.   Now I'm 23 so I know that I mostly grew up in this age but I know that it used to be drastically different. Before cell phone we used home phones to talk, maybe email or AIM to communicate.  Or letters have been used for the longest time.  Back when letters were a thing, it would take days just to communicate with some in 1 letter.  Heck, even now people are separated for months or years from their family and they can push through it.  But the younger generations expect something different.  Where am I going with this? I'm curious  about what impact this increase in communication this will have on people and future generations. Now in 2016, it's common to text people dai...