Past issues coming back with different decisions
Recently I've been facing a previous issue I've had. This issue caused me to have a depressive breakdown and I've never really faced it since. But recently I've been wanting to make personal amends to myself on what happened. I want to forgive myself and let go of most of the hate I have towards them so I can properly heal.
I know that in order to heal, I have to end the story on a good note and stop the hatred and sadness. The past couple weeks I've been thinking about it and trying to forgive said person, even if I never want to see them again. Since that episode I've been up and down on my personal roller coaster and am determined to get off again. This has been controlling my life for months now, and I'm determined to control my own life.
A couple days ago I had a dream that really shook me. All I can remember is that I was in the office building, helping teach like before. It wasn't outright said but I knew they wanted me back there working with them, and for once, I didn't want to go back. They kept trying to convince me and offer solutions so I would come back, but I kept thinking how I actually don't like the job as I thought I would and kept thinking about working at a nursing home as an LPN.
You see, before working there I loved the job and have always wanted to work with children. So when I got the job, I was so ecstatic. After working there for awhile, my sleep cycle wasn't adapting and I would wake up completely exhausted and got daily headaches (I am a night owl and usually sleep till about 9am). I worked there 2 months and got up everyday at 5 am, and even after getting 10hrs of sleep or more, I still woke up tired everyday and efforts to change my sleep cycle constantly failed. Then of course I got fired.
Now looking back on it, maybe it was a blessing in disguise that I got fired. After that, I started more medicine and got a job as a CNA again. And of course a month later I met my boyfriend. <3 At the time I had also started school to go for my LPN license and have started to like the idea of working as a nurse at a nursing home. Going through even the basics like anatomy makes me realize that I actually enjoy the human body.
So if I didn't get fired:
I know that in order to heal, I have to end the story on a good note and stop the hatred and sadness. The past couple weeks I've been thinking about it and trying to forgive said person, even if I never want to see them again. Since that episode I've been up and down on my personal roller coaster and am determined to get off again. This has been controlling my life for months now, and I'm determined to control my own life.
A couple days ago I had a dream that really shook me. All I can remember is that I was in the office building, helping teach like before. It wasn't outright said but I knew they wanted me back there working with them, and for once, I didn't want to go back. They kept trying to convince me and offer solutions so I would come back, but I kept thinking how I actually don't like the job as I thought I would and kept thinking about working at a nursing home as an LPN.
You see, before working there I loved the job and have always wanted to work with children. So when I got the job, I was so ecstatic. After working there for awhile, my sleep cycle wasn't adapting and I would wake up completely exhausted and got daily headaches (I am a night owl and usually sleep till about 9am). I worked there 2 months and got up everyday at 5 am, and even after getting 10hrs of sleep or more, I still woke up tired everyday and efforts to change my sleep cycle constantly failed. Then of course I got fired.
Now looking back on it, maybe it was a blessing in disguise that I got fired. After that, I started more medicine and got a job as a CNA again. And of course a month later I met my boyfriend. <3 At the time I had also started school to go for my LPN license and have started to like the idea of working as a nurse at a nursing home. Going through even the basics like anatomy makes me realize that I actually enjoy the human body.
So if I didn't get fired:
- I would still be exhausted daily
- I wouldn't have met my boyfriend
- I wouldn't have bought my new car (and the financial lessons associated XD)
- I wouldn't be going back to school
- I might have been working a job I didn't actually enjoy.
So yes, I am finally getting to the point that I'm happy I got fired. And maybe I won't forgive them, but I won't let them run my life. I'm ready to move forward and see what's coming next.
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