Finally!

Depression…It’s spinning around in my head, Constantly demanding attention.   I’m sitting here not doing anything. Thinking constantly what is causing this.   Rejection, boredom, or isolation? I feel like I’ve been rejected, my mind is going two ways on the issue. One side says, “Just wait and don’t jump to conclusions” while the other side says, “Why did you do that? You already know the response”.   While being torn in two, I debate admitting defeat and trying to cover it back up. I begin to gain the courage to say no.   I force myself to leave it up; telling myself it doesn’t matter now.   I tell myself that it could still be any answer, but I still continue stressing about it. Boredom could also be a factor.   I haven’t been working and it’s a new thing for me to face.   I’ve worked every summer since 2009, and all of a sudden I have nothing to do all day but watch Youtube.   It makes me miss work and school;   I need something to occupy my time. Along side b

Gunfire was the first thing she heard.   She jumped out of bed with her heart racing.   Just standing there, she frantically looks around her room.   She realizes she is safe, but still doesn’t know where the gunshot came from.   She picks up the phone and dials 911.   The operator sends officers to investigate.   When the officers got there they asked her what happened, and she told them.   Other officers were asking the other neighbors and they all shared the same story.   More officers arrived at the scene just as officers were knocking on the door.   They all had vests on and the officers that just arrived had helmets on.     “Knock, Knock, Knock.   This is the police.   open the door”….No response. “Knock, Knock, Knock.   Police! Open the door”… No response again. “Knock, Knock, Knock.   Police!   Open the door”…Still no response. This time one officer goes back to his car and another circles the building as the other officers attempt to open the door. The off

My mind When my body is relaxed, my mind goes crazy. Constant thoughts in my head, most of which I can’t control. As I’m bored I let my mind wander. Some good thoughts and bad thoughts, all ready for me. When I put my music on, it’s like I put in the key. My mind races, and a story starts forming. When the music changes, so does the story. It goes up and down, constantly repeating and changing. I feel my soul as it is affected by its own creations. Feeling happy or sad, angry or excited. Then I realize how long I’ve wasted. Daydreaming all day doesn’t help me one bit. Feeling partially ashamed at my special gift. I force myself out of it and do my daily tasks By the end of the day as I fall in bed. I start thinking, is this a gift or a curse? I feel like I’m living 2 lives, one outside and one in my mind. Then I remember, being an adult means living outside one’s mind. As long as I can remember I’ve had this gift, being able to create. One tho

I feel it only at times.  I still don’t understand Who are you?  And why do you only come at certain times. I feel you talking to me, and yet I can’t hear anything. You feel positive, but yet so mysterious Who are you?  Why won’t you tell me? I always ask, but you never tell me. I know you’re not “god” but how can I tell. I think you’re my angel, but I’m always weary I’m always protecting myself. From the evil that is around me. I know you’re my angel, you’re always near. You only let me know when I start falling. You’re here to protect and comfort, and you always do. I just wished I knew, who you were. You are always nearby, even when not needed. Whenever I feel attacked, you never fail to help. It always feels like, you were born to protect. But it always feels like, it is no coincidence. We were always paired together, you and I It’s like there’s a mysterious cord that brings us together. Could we be the ultimate soul mates, you and I? You wo

I obviously know about the battle over the confederate flag.  I haven't posted my opinion but finally decided it was time.   People are split over wether or not the confederate flag needs to be removed.  I say, " I DON'T GIVE A CRAP".   The flag is an inanimate object for crying out loud.  Yes it is a symbol of racism and slavery people might say.  But has anyone actually stopped to think about how there is still the actual racism in our country? Maybe if we stopped fighting over a flag and actually put our complete force into stopping and changing the racism behind it; maybe the flag will eventually become a sad symbol of the past. I don't like comparing this but I will anyways. People walk through the holocaust museum completely quiet and somber.  Whenever we think about what happened then we are completely baffled and can't comprehend why it happened.   Well I hope that in the future, we can walk by a confederate flag and think, "Why did this e

What is this depression? Is it just sadness? What did I do? Why do I deserve this? I’ve had it since I was 12; even though I was just a kid. I thought it only attacks adults, but I guess I was wrong. I know when it comes for me, and yet I can’t run. It attacks me the same every time, the same torture. I lie in bed, with my own mind attacking me. I try to fight back, but it brings back old memories. Paralyzed by sadness, all I can do is cry I’m stuck in bed, not hungry at all. When I can manage, I force myself to eat. Always reminding myself what happens when I face defeat. Thinking about ending myself, I go back to bed. I feel presence, whispering in my head. “Go ahead and go to sleep, it will be okay” I feel better, but not for long. I grab my journal and let this evil write. Ashamed at what I wrote, I put away the book. Not to be opened, until the next time evil lurks. I then close my eyes, and quickly fall asleep. But as soon as I wake up I

So one thing barely anyone knew is that I actually used to write at some point in time.  About sophomore or Junior year of high school I wrote a 10 chapter book.  I never finished it and it wasn't very good but I wrote one.  I actually kind of enjoyed doing it, but unfortunately it went on the back burner as I got busier and kind of gave up on it.  In college I was a full-time student and then worked part/full time so by then I was kind of on a predetermined path. Recently I had thumb surgery so I am unable to work.  Long story short I had pain in my thumb that bothered me when I write a lot at one time.  On top of that it is also summer so no school.  I have been thinking about it recently so with my new found confidence I decided to try and write again.  I found my old paperwork/files I kept and started to update the chapters.  I spent like 3 hours doing it without even realizing it.  Yeah it's not the best, but I still support my story and do hope to at least finish what I